amy lamé's blog blog blog!

flying the friendly skies

2008-09-07T22:10:00.003+01:00

ok, so i'm doing a new reality tv show (for my sins) Some may think being an air hostess is full of international glamour, intrigue, and shagging fellow cabin crew in 5 star hotels while on stop overs. I can confirm that so far, Celeb Air has consisted of 6 weeks training in a portakabin in Luton, followed by residency in an air hostess prison camp adjacent to Gatwick Airport. OK, our uniforms are kind of retro (though not retro enough for me) and my fellow Celeb Air contestants are great for the most part. But somehow flying back and forth from Tenerife at 35,000 feet in high heels from Shoe Tailor and flogging Celeb Air toilet water isn't *quite* what I expected. Don't get me wrong, this is certainly a brilliant opportunity- as a chubbster I thought i'd NEVER be able to become a trolly dolly! But I really do have mega respect for all cabin crew now, knowing what rigorous training and difficult working circumstances they have to put up with, whether they're with Ryanair or BA. I'm just glad I've survived another elimination round this weekend, and will live to fly another week.....

Hey everybody!

2007-04-26T16:20:00.000+01:00

Just to let you know my blog has now permanently moved to my website
www.amylame.com
Check it out!
x x amy

blowing away the cobwebs

2007-02-25T18:27:00.001Z

is exactly what we did on friday. no radio show (dan had two stage performances in rocky horror show in bromley to be getting on with) so the Strawberry Blonde and I got in the car and drove down to Broadstairs for a brisk clifftop walk. The town was pretty deserted, except for a vintage cloting shop, a cafe called Continental Corner (yup, you guessed it, it's on a corner) and Morelli's, a 50's ice cream parlour on the seafront. So after a nose round the vintage shop ( the SB bought a gorgeous 60's Aquascutum wool giant dogtooth check swing coat in shades of cream, tan & brown) a look at Charles Dickens' house and a mooch round the seafront, we had a reviving collation of tea & scones at Continental Corner. Then we drove to Whitstable for a mini pub crawl (well, it wasn't that crawly for me 'cause I was driving) and then the SB treated me to dinner at the Whitstable Oyster Fishery restaurant, where I had potted shrimp and - my favourite- squid. She had smoked eel, then half a lobster and potato salad, all washed down with a spot of Sancerre.

Spent most of yesterday cleaning out the room we share as our "office" that doubles as the guest room, because we have a guest coming to stay. We don't know the guest, so I didn't want her to think we are unhygenic. With friends, it's fine! Anyway, it is General Synod this week (a big meeting of people who pretend to make a difference in the Church of England) and as we live near Church House, we were asked if we could offer food & shelter to some lonesome Christian coming down from the north of England. So being the nice gals we are we said yes. Oh, and we get some cash for it as well. So I'm making an effort- bought some bagels for breakfast, and I'm now roasting a chicken and baking a carrot & mushroom loaf.

Duckie was good last night- had my favourite boys, the Cabearet Bearlesque troupe, doing bear-aunautics on a harness attached to the ceiling of the Royal Vauxhall Tavern- v. risque when you think of their girth! We put together a Bay City Rollers jigsaw puzzle on the activity island, and everybody seemed in great spirits.

Pancakes Akimbo!

2007-02-22T09:56:00.000Z

The past few days have been spent making and eating pancakes. They take FOREVER to cook, and they are oh-so-easy to eat. Quite a volatile addiction, n'est-ce pas? Had a Pancake Party on Tuesday eve with a fine selection of friends (and pancakes) Savoury fillings included stilton & roast red pepper chutney; shittake and sherry ragout; smoked duck, chipotle mayonnaise, spring onion & watercress; smokes salmon, shrimp, creme fraiche and dill; ricotta, roasted red pepper and pesto. The sweet filling in chocolate pancakes was tawny marmalade with orange chocolate fudge sauce on top. And yes, it was all "from scratch". I don't have any photos to prove it though- I drank so much cava I forgot to take a few snaps. Why, in England, do we get pancakes for Shrove Tuesday, while in Brazil they get tits, teeth and seuins? It seems a bit unfair if you ask me.

Last night we did a photo shoot in my flat for the latest Duckie pics- for a club night we're doing in Birmingham in May,the 10th anniversary of the Fierce! festival. The theme is "childhood". I has to sneak into the kids nursery that's underneath our flat (it's a long story) and "borrow" some mini tables and chairs, dolls, giant lego, painting easel, etc etc. The Readers Wifes, Jay Cloth and myself all sat round the table drinking cider, smoking fags & eating crisps while fighting over baby dolls and painting rude things on the easel. I'll post the photos as soon as our Maitre d'Image, Bryon, sends 'em to me.

Art, tears and cheese

2007-02-19T12:34:00.000Z

The SB and I went to Cambridge on Friday to see an amazing exhibition, WE the Moderns, at Kettle's Yard. Focused on the birth of Modern sculpture, the exhibition itself was like seeing old friends. We are Modernist obsessives and have been known to swoon at the sight of a Brancusi, Epstein or Modigliani. Didn't know much about Henri Gaudier-Brseska, though, nor did I know much about Kettle's Yard despite the SB's three years at Cambridge.

What I liked immediately about Henri G-B is the fact that the second bit of his hyphenated name is his wife's surname.
Kettle's Yard itself was founded by H.S "Jim" Ede, former curator of the Tate (Britain- the original, natch) which put him in a unique position to acquire an incredible amount of quality 20th century painting, sculpture, drawings, ceramics, etc and put them in his house, which he then opened to students. The house itself is a collection of cottages knocked together and full of light and life. Ede left his entire home and art collection to the University of Cambridge which now looks after it, and I cannot stress what a delightful experience of discovery it is to visit the house and gallery. Please go. And make sure the house is open when you plan your visit. www.kettlesyard.co.uk. I swear you'll never want to buy another thing from Ikea.

So after that we went for a drink in The Free Press, one of the SB's old drinking haunts from her days on the Cam, and she told me she's fed up of my moping around and general miserablist mood (ok, i have been feeling a bit depressed of late). So I started to cry which is not a good thing in a crowded pub on a Friday night. We were going to have dinner at Midsummer Common, a glorious two-michelin starred restaurant in Cambridge, but instead we had a row on the Common, got sushi from the M&S Simply Food at the station, and came home.

Saturday was a write-off. I have a bad cold, and have been feeling sorry for myself (see SB's proclamation above) so I spent most of the day drinking lemsip on the sofa. Went to Duckie, and we had two great acts on which lifted my spirits- Hannah & Susannah, and arty duo who gave us a glimpse into the sordid twilight world of the heterosexual, and Donald Spark, a young Chinese hula-hoopist with a tutu and a mohawk. Cute!!!

Sunday I made my signature fish pie for friend David & bf Robert who came over for lunch, then David said he couldn't eat smoked things and there's smoked haddock in my signature fish pie so had to rustle something up from a few slices of cold roast beef and mashed potato for him. Not really my style of doing things, but needs must as they say. Highlight of my day was seeing my article published in the Observer Magazine special on Ultimate Travel- look here, kids!
http://travel.guardian.co.uk/article/2007/feb/18/cruises

Only a few days to go until Lent begins. I was going to give up cheese, but the SB thinks it's a stupid idea. She says I should take up something instead of giving up something. So I have decided to see a spiritual advisor for Lent. No, not a spiritualist, but rather someone with whom I can openly discuss issues of faith, and why, for example, I feel my blood pressure rise uncontrollably when I attend church. Some might say, "well, don't go then." If only it were that easy for me. So I'm going to check out this place- the London Centre for Spirituality. www.spiritualitycentre.org

I hate February.

2007-02-11T03:32:00.000Z

I feel like my life has been pretty ho-hum for the past week or so, that's why I haven't posted. I pompommed myself out!

So this is what i've been up to. I've been spending a lot of time preparing for things that (fingers crossed) will happen later this year. Like going to Malaysia on assignment for the Times in April - well, they have commissioned me to write a travel article, all about Malaysian food/cooking/markets. But I have to do a lot of research and planning, and I have a big meeting with the head of the Malaysian Tourist Board on Monday, and I have to beg them to get the Strawberry Blonde a free flight too. I also heard this week that my show, "Amy Lamé's Mama Cass Family Singers", will be going to Australia, with me of course. Never been to Oz! The SB doesn't want to come- she's got something against Australia, but I don't know why as she's never been either. Mind you she really doesn't like America, but she's been with me for 13 yrs so what does that mean!? Anyway, I've got dates booked in for Brisbane, and will hopefully do some shows in Melbourne as well.
Sonny, my web wunderkid, is designing my new site and I've been to-ing and fro-ing on the phone with him. Knitting is coming along really well- though I had to pop into I Knit London on thurs eve for a bit of remedial help. I'm knitting a pink ribbed scarf for Dan and want to have it finished before winter is over. This week coming involves said meeting with Mr. Malaysia& radio show, and a public panel discussion & screening at Channel 4 on My Big Gay Prom- I mentored a group of gay and lesbian teeneages for the programme which comes out later this month. Wednesday the SB is cooking me dinner for VD (it's the only night of the year she cooks). In an unfortunate circumstance, the 14th is also our anniversary, but we've decided to defer it because I just can't take all that hearts and flowers shit.

Viva Seville!

2007-01-31T09:20:00.000Z

Just come back from a (too short) trip to Seville to see my dear friend Pablo. He's started a club night there called FANI. No, it's not a strip club, nor is it a dyke-only joint. FANI is a nickname for anyone called Stefania, but you don't have to be called Stefania to get in. But the DJ is called Fani, and she's a lesbian. Gosh, this is getting confusing. Anyway, I went to host the night, and brought along my pom-pom makers and lots of yarn. Pom Pom International was a big success! Here are some photos

The chubby girl with the pom pom in her hair (no, not me, the other one, with the green top) is called Madidi, and she makes the coolest dolls in the world. You can send her a photo of anyone, and she'll make a doll out of felt and yarn to look just like them! She also makes lookey-likey badges out of felt, and lovely clothing too. Pablo and his fellow Fani promoter Luis got me a me doll. Check out Madidi! www.fotolog.com/madidi
I also met a couple of lovely guys who make retro-pop bags decorated with images of old Spanish tv/film stars. But what I like most is that they are called La Mujer Barbuda, or The Bearded Lady. These cheeky chappies travel round Spain and get people to wear a fake beard, and then take photos of them and put them in their online gallery. Look here and envy those with fun fur facial hair! www.lamujerbarbuda.com

I didn't see much of Seville by daylight, I must admit. But we did venture out for lunchtime tapas- tiny shrimp the size and consistency of a pinky fingernail, spinach with chickpeas, more shrimp with a fried egg on top. Yum!

2 4 1 cocktails

2007-01-25T13:13:00.000Z

will be the death of me. Had a great time on the radio show yesterday, and to "kill time" post-radio and pre-theatre dan and i went for a few drinks. he said he can't drink before he goes on stage (currently starring as the Narrator in Rocky Horror Show) but miraculously downed a couple of pimms in a two-for-one cocktail deal. I started with cosmopolitans. then went on to wine. lots of it. with no dinner. he made it on stage with no visible side effects. i on the other hand made an unruly spectacle of myself by rolling up an hour and a half late to meet Gerard my new knitting friend (let's face it- i was in no state to knit), then wobbling off to the theatre. After the show we retired to the pub till kicking out time, then on to some awful club where Baylen lost his phone, i *thought* i lost my phone then found it in my bra, i lost my coatcheck ticket the found THAT in my bra, too. now if i can just find my cleavage.
i feel terrible today. and i have to go now and record some tacky tv show and string a few sentences together. i just want to get back in bed. ouch.......

I'm addicted

2007-01-22T21:46:00.000Z

to knitting. I can't stop. I finished another scarf today. Mind you I did have a busy day- it wasn't like I was just sat on the sofa all afternoon or anything. But I start and I just can't stop! UGHHHHH where's the knitting methadone!!!!

I'm meant to be hosting a series of live chat show events for Manchester's ueer Up North festival in May, and had a meeting scheduled for 10am this morning at my favourite cafe which also serves as my office on the move- Maison Bertaux. in Greek St. I had a cheese croissant and a coffee, and waited 45 mins, but Jonathan from QUN didn't turn up. NOT a nice way to start the week. So anyway I went to the Principal Register office in High Holborn and filed for divorce.

Did the radio show this afternoon- Danny seemed preoccupied-he opens in the Rocky Horror Show tonight, playing the narrator all week. I'm going to see it on Wednesday- booked the producer's seats! I've a week of theatre lined up- tomorrow it's The History Boys, and Thursday the SB and I are going to a Taittinger reception at the Old Vic followed by a performance of the all- male Taming of the Shrew. Somehow I don't think this version will hold our attention *quite* as closely as the all-female version we saw a few years ago at the Globe.

I think I am turning orange. I bought a HUGE bag of carrots for 1 pound 8 pence last week and we've been eating carrot soup, carrot cake, carrot casserole, carrot goulash, carrot crudites...the SB came down with a funny tummy today and she's convinced it's from over-consumption of carrots. I'm not so sure. We may be ill and a bit orange, but we can see REALLY well.

knitting up a storm...

2007-01-21T18:28:00.000Z

I have a few New Year's resolutions. They aren't the usual won't smoke/drink/eat/have any fun. And for that very reason my resolutions have been progressing quite nicely, thank you. Firstly, I am filing for divorce from my estranged husband, a lovely, generous and mysterious chap who shall remain nameless and blameless. It's all perfectly amicable, no kids/pets/furniture to fight over and our marriage of nearly 14 years shall quietly come to an end very soon. Once that's all done & dusted I just have to wait for the Strawberry Blonde to pop the question, now that we gayzzz are able to get all civil partnered up. I'm thinking ceremony at Westminster Abbey followed by champagne tea at Claridge's.

My other resolution is to learn how to knit. I actually learned just before Christmas, but it has been since the advent of 2007 that I am not ashamed to show my stitches in broad daylight. After a preliminary sage green "neck warmer" for the SB (OK, it was meant to be a potholder but it came out the wrong shape) I have just completed my very first ever ever knitted anything.
It is a gorgeous scarf made out of knobbly welsh wool in graded shades of copper & green. Looks great with the SB's flowing titian locks so I think I'll relinquish it. I have been trying to teach myself to purl all afternoon and gave myself a headache which was cured only by a piece of homemade carrot cake. My aim is to knit something- anything- for my impending nephew. The SB's sister is currently ripening a baby boy, due in the next month or so. It's the first time we'll be aunties. We already have his visits to London planned- art galleries, theatre, gay nightclubs. I think his father wants him to be a footballer but we're going to do our best to make sure he grows up to be an avant garde contemporary dancer.

By the way, if you want to learn how to knit, buy some cool wool, or just hang out in one of the loveliest little independent shops in London, check out www.iknit.org.uk. Gerard and Craig are the genies behind this magical place, in the real world and on the web. They came to Duckie on saturday and made some gorgeous pom poms for the pom pom gallery. Check out their blog for photos. I met Gerard & Craig because they kindly sent me a little gift for the opening night of my show- a knitted breast, with a tantalising note reading "Come and see us and we'll teach you to knit the other one". My skills aren't yet up to knitting a matching boob (must say the solo tit is looking kinda lonely) but we all need goals, eh!

2007-01-13T10:47:00.000Z

So i've passed my Life in the UK test- a multipe choice test required of all foreign nationals who qualify for UK citizenship (or should that be subjectship???) and want to apply to stay forever and aver amen. I was required to have indepth knowledge of the Prime Minister's name in Latin, television license requirements, how schoolchildren are given pocket money, and the population of Wales. After 14 years here, I discovered very useful nuggets of information like the Commonwealth is the second largest international organization in the world, second only to the UN, and that the two main features of the civil service are professionalism and neutrality (!!!). I now feel fully prepared to take on the rights and responsibilities of a UK citizen...things like applying for interest free credit at Habitat and being waved through immigration at all UK airports.
When I tested my British born and bred friends with questions from the official study book, their success rate was apalling. And they're a pretty clever bunch. I'm all for potential citizens being forced to engage in the native culture, language, etc but when the natives themselves have very loose grasp on basic information about their own government, history and culture, it makes a mockery of the whole thing.
Incidentally, I toolk my test at a LearnDirect centre. Have you seen those ads on ITV, advertising this organisation? I always thought it was vaguely associated with LoansDirect and OceanFInance and Yes! Car Insurance. You know what I mean.
Well, when I turned up to register for my test, I had to hand over 34 quid IN CASH to a LearnDirect official, who then put the money in his trouser pocket. When I asked for a receipt, he said "You want a WHAAAAT????" I said, "I'd like a receipt please, for my 34 quid in cash." His response was "well, no one EVER asks for a receipt." " Well, I am , and I'd like one." So he makes a big flouncing gesture towards a pile of badly photocopied receipt slips and writes one out, S-L-O-W-L-Y. He hands it over, looking at me like I'm mad. A large, camp LearnDirect manager sniffing olbas oil pops his head round to see what's up and frowns.
I can't WAIT for my citizenship induction ceremony at Westminster town hall!!!!

Just call me Lady ....

2007-01-09T14:23:00.000Z

Wasn't this Christmas and New Year a weird one? Or is it just me? I felt so overwhelmed by the amout of pure crap and dross in the shops, on tv & radio, gifts under my own (hot pink) christmas tree it turned me into a right old scroogette. Couldn't wait to ditch Britain for a bit of continental tack.

Dashed off to France on Boxing Day- drove down as per usual these days. The ferry's so cheap because everybody thinks it's too chavvy (um, as if Ryanair is any better- it's just full of middle class twits) As a result, we got a nice roomy booth in the cafeteria, surrounded by screaming snot nosed children and truckers with questionable facial hair and warm tins of lager. The Strawberry Blonde came down with a mystery illness which manifested in her puking all the way down the French motorway, from Calais to Carcassonne. Charmante, n'est-ce pas? I nursed her back to health with Soupe de Poulet just in time for New Years Eve and the excesses that entails.

We were on our way to a big house party outside of Nimes (hosted by our friend Nigel, a QC, who delights in fois gras for breakfast and whose designer farmhouse is lit only by candles and gaslight!) We stopped off at a desolate beach near Sete to stretch our lallies and take some photos. Returned to the car to find a smashed window and missing bags, nicked by marauding opportunists. The Strawberry Blonde lost just about everything, much of it sentimental value. Yours truly spent 2 hrs in the company of a humourless Gendarme reporting the whole annoying incident.
Eventually made it to said party, and spent 2 lovely days in the presence of the poshest people I know. You know you're the odd one out when you're the only one at the table who hasn't got membership to the Athenaeum.

Back to La Maisonette (ie our humble mountain lodge) for a low-key birthday celebration (no i'm not saying how old I am)
The SB and I went on an extended mountain trek during which I spotted a live pine marten, a dead cow, a lost grey crane, and then got lost ourselves and wound up on the edge of a cliff. I was so scared I couldn't even cry. We eventually found our way back after much uphill climbing. My ass is killing me. Still.

So, why should you call me Lady? Well, I am soon to be made a subject of HMQE2. Tune into the next blog entry to find out how I managed to take my "Life in the UK" test in under 6 minutes. I'll also uncover the truth behind LearnDirect.
A bientot! x x

Sitting on the Sofa on a Sunday afternoon....

2006-11-05T18:55:00.000Z

with a bottle of buy one get one free Boots chesty cough syrup. Now that's what I call fun.

I've been hither and tither since I last wrote- on a press trip to Grenada (the island not the city) to learn how to dive. You'll be able to read all about my adventures in the Times travel section soon, but for a little sneak preview I'll let you know i would have quit on Day One if I didn't have to write about it. Nothing to do with the Dive Centre (who were fabulous) just my own personal fear factor and general flapping about. It ain't easy wearing a weight belt, inflatable vest, air tank, flippers, diving mask, snorkel, wetsuit and breathing apparatus, then believing you can float underwater and actually see stuff. I did it....reluctantly, but I did it. And I saw stuff. Like a baby stingray. and a lobster. and lots of fish. and a hairy underwater millipede thing. and a crab that looked more like a spider. abd giant coral and teeny tiny shrimp.

i'm getting ready for the London run of my show- Amy Lamé's Mama Cass Family Singers. Rehearsals start this week- it's been a while since Edinburgh, and it feels like a different lifetime. My mom and brother and little sister are coming over from America to see the show- they are in it, but they've not seen it yet. I may be voluntarily orphaned by the end of the run, you never know.

Have been doing a spate of tacky TV appearances for my sins- Make Me a Supermodel Live Extra! and Snap! and Destination Lunch. Must keep the Strawberry Blonde in Diptyque and vintage cashmere after all. Also been working on my newbie websites. Well, really I haven't been working on them, my teenage webmaster extraordinaire Sonny has. He is THE MOST POLITE teenager I have ever come across in my life. OK, he's 19, still a teen officially, I just hope his charm doesn't subside once he hits two decades.

I'll leave you with a tip from my dear friend DJ Hushpuppy, who assures me this is ALL the rage in Glasgow, which as we all know is where arbiters of style and taste get all their info. Go to YouTube and look up Jan Terri. You won't be disappointed.

Blograstination

2006-10-09T08:04:00.000+01:00

Yeah, yeah, I know....I was doing so well, writing nearly every day...and then it all went wobbly. But let's face it, there's a heck of a lot of life out there to live. Firstly, I took a break for 2 and a half weeks with the Strawberry Blonde- we went to France, in the car- so we could stock up on wine. Started in St Malo where I underwent the first stage of tooth implantation (yeah, what a holiday!) for a molar that was removed a while back. My French dentist looks EXACTLY like Tin Tin, which was strtangely reassuring. Why go all the way to St Malo for a tooth implant, I hear you ask? Price, my darlings. One fake tooth in London costs 3,000 pounds. The same in St. Malo? 2,000 Euros. Basically half price. Plus the excuse to visit a charming coastal town full of Michelin starred restaurants, expansive sandy beaches and the finest oysters anywhere in the world. We continued to La Rochelle, St. Emillion, Moissac, Toulouse, and finally to our hidden mountain lodge in the Pyrenees. I got all Ray Mears and did my best to collect as much wild food as possible- berries, rosehips, mushrooms, apples, sage, thyme, walnuts....and make some semblance of a dinner with my ingedients sauvage. Bon appetit!

Returning to London, my relaxed state was smashed and battered more or less immediately by a series of wranglings with my Duckie other half. Pleasurable bits of the past few weeks have included a sushi lunch date with Naomi Alderman (author of Disobedience- written about previously), several visits to the Soho Theatre for press/marketing/production planning for my London run (for details LOOK HERE: www.mamacassfamilysingers.com), an overnight trip to Hastings to visit my director Chrissy, champagne infused housewarming for friends Laura & Sylvie, burgeoning friendship drinks with a close relative of a major international pop star, preparing lunch for a church group, and meeting up with my new webmaster superstar, Sonny, who is going to redesign my websites and organise my digital life.

North Korea has tested nuclear weapons overnight. Listening to the Today programme at the moment- an American security council rep is calling it "nuu-cuuu-lar". What hope do we have, with America nuked up to the eyeballs, if they can't even pronounce the word right? Then again, have you ever tasted Korean food? SPIIIIIICCCCYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't trust those guys, either. If their weapons are as powerful as their Kimchee we're ALL in trouble.

PETS

2006-09-04T10:18:00.000+01:00

That's Post Edinburgh Trauma Syndrome for the uninitiated. I've been hobbling round the flat like an old lady, dropping off to sleep at the most inopportune times, watching too much Trisha and drinking lots of tea. Normal life seems so....well....slow. After the hubbubb of the festival, guess most things would. But I am SOOO glad to be back in London. The city is quite quiet at the moment- last dregs of summer- and i feel like i'm on holiday in my own town. Mind you, the journey back to London was like a proper stressful holiday-type journey. Missed my train, caught one an hour later with only first class tickets left, forked out the abominable amount of cash required, Simon Amstell was "upgraded" by a kindly poof train guard and was placed next to me (more on that later) Train broke down outside of Peterborough so we were towed back to said station, had to change trains on to a full train (with zillions of edinburgh performers toting luggage, hula hoops, stilts, etc), arrived at Kings Cross nearly 3 hrs late, taxi queue like a soviet bread line. Hooray! Welcome home!
Was relieved to see black people though (there are like NO black people in Scotland!) and London in all its mishmashed multiculti glory.

So. Simon Amstell. He is sweet, like REALLY sweet. I did everything I could NOT to touch his hair. I really wanted to, but we haven't reached that level of friendship yet. Funny enough for such a youngster (and arbiter of YOOF fashion & culture) he comes across as much older than his years. He's kind of like an old man in a young person's body. That's a good thing. We chatted about life, love, family, global warming, Dale Winton, some weird therapy-like seminar thing he's been doing - The Landmark Forum- he helped me work out some family issues, planned a book for me to write, carried my bag, gave me a beer mat with his face on it (!!!???) What more do you want from a delayed train journey? OK, he took my phone number but he hasn't called me yet. Don't know if i'll ever get another chance to touch his hair again.

Back at Duckie on Saturday, and was most pleased to be there. A few out of control punters and an out of control act, but hey-ho....Did Chavvyoke and crowned a queen of the chavettes, Sharon from Blackpool, who sang Lily Allen's "Smile". Sharon won a gold-esque Playboy bunny pendant and a baseball cap with diamante dollar sign motif.

It's over....

2006-08-29T09:38:00.000+01:00

Festival has ended. Well, the Fringe Festival at least, and Edinburgh is like a ghost town now. I am sure the locals will be happy to see the backsides of us. 26 shows in 28 days...I wish i could reflect on what that actually means, but I am so f'ing wiped out I can barely string a sentence together.

Sunday's show was a delight- Chrissy, my director, made a 7 hr train journey just to see the show at the end of the run and give me her verdict. (positive!) Then I took the "team"- Chrissy, Steve (producer) and Nancy (press/pr) out for a slap up meal at Harvey Nicks- and we watched the sun set over Edinburgh from the Forth Floor. Gorgeous!

Monday should have been a recovery day but had the pleasure of lunching with Mary Contini, owner of Valvona & Crolla, the most AMAZING Italian deli/wine merchants/restaurant. Turned out her family is from same region in Italy mine is, and the Scotsman wanted to do an article along the lines of "Mary and Amy in conversation...."which was SUCH hard work in between mouthfuls of neapolitan ice cream, let me tell you. Had to scoot off to the last show, which was ok. A final visit to Monster Mash for dinner and home to pack.I will be SOOO happy to leave this beige box full of bad art and bent cutlery.

Legal Tender

2006-08-28T10:19:00.000+01:00

it's been a few days since my last posting, but as it is the end of the festival it's all gone a bit crazy. Well, actually, thursday and friday nights were relatively quiet- stayed in and read Philip Roth's 'American Pastoral' a novel about the complete breakdown of a picture perfect family and the implosion of the American Dream, set against the backdrop of race riots and the Vietnam War- the deterioration of the American pastoral into the American "beserk", as Roth calls it.

Saturday night went to Monster Mash for dinner after my show- with Mark (Chelsea Kelsey) and a big posse of his friends, plus Alan, and a big posse of his friends. Wound up in a bar with possbibly THE rudest staff- Fingers Piano Bar, then on to Planet Out for a loungey recovery drink, and to the IF.Commeddies- basically a complicated name for the new Perrier Awards. Tried to meet Demetri Martin but he was surrounded by blonde babes so thought it best NOT to go up to him and try to engeage him in a conversation about New Jersey.

Best thing thant happened all night?

Alan found some money in the street.
First, a Five pound note.
then.....

HALF of a HUNDRED POUND NOTE!!!

Pedants might think..."well, all very good you eagle eyed young man, but you can't spend HALF a 100 pound note!"
WRONG!
yes, you can.... (well, Alan can)

As long as you have at least half of a torn banknote, with the serial number, watermark, etc. you can take it into any bank, fill out a form and the note will be replaced.

How cool is that?
I didn't even know 100 pound notes existed! Apparently, just in Scotland. Quirky - crazy Scotland, always doing things just that *little* bit different to surprise you when you least expect it!

Christine Hamilton, Transsexuals & Dale Winton

2006-08-24T09:31:00.000+01:00

Wed eve I had a big group of people in to see the show from Stonewall Scotland, and I hosted a little drinks do afterwards for them. If you don't know what Stonewall do, then have a look here.

www.stonewall.org.uk

Abolishing Section 28, lowering age of consent, getting immigration rights for foreign partners of UK homos, ending ban on gays in the military, securing civil partnerships....that's just for starters. Basically, if you are gay, really gay, a bit gay, or just know someone who is, then Stonewall is the cornerstone organisation that helped achieve your equal rights. Support them if you can! I host a lot of events for them to rally the troops, and we've raised well over 600 pounds for Stonewall at Duckie this year with our weekly veggie barbecue.

Yesterday was much better than monday. Did a photo shoot with Nicholas Parsons (!!!) for an Edinburgh Fringe photo competition, and then was a guest on "Lunch with the Hamiltons" - you know, Neil and Christine. Shelley Cooper, a performer who is also a transsexual, was on the show too. Christine just couldn't get her head round it, and said "Surely that's every parent's nightmare to find out your child wants a sex change!" Ummm......no Christine, I think it's every parent's nightmare to find out their child is a rapist, mass murderer, suicide bomber, pedophile, etc etc etc. For chrissake! Put things in perspective woman!

Friends John and Mark (M. is Chelsea Kelsey of the London Readers Wifes- blog perviously featured here as must-read!) came to see the show last night- nice audience- a few chuckles, so I think most people got it. I had a nice review in the Scotsman too- with a photo. By the way, if you're bored and want to read the reviews etc. go here

www.mamacassfamilysingers.com

funnily enough that's one domain name that hadn't been taken already!

Dinner in Monster Mash, my new fave place here in the 'Burgh, and then on to see Demetri Martin, a stand up i've always wanted to check out. He is clever and, well, clever. Little laughs, no big ones, but that's ok! He's complex. He uses family photos. He's from New Jersey. His show and my show have some little similarities. He reminds me of my long lost college friend Adam Brown. I wish Demetri was my friend.

Simon Amstell was at the show too and came up to me in the queue and said thanks for going to see his show....and was wondering why, in his show when he mentioned the ridiculous posit that fluffy, camp Dale Winton might be responsible for the grave situation in Palestine, did I get all excited and start jumping out of my seat.

"Because Dale is Jewish, Simon. In a round about way, perhaps he is even in a teeny tiny way, responsible for the situation in Palestine."

A look of shock on Simon's face. "Dale's JEWISH?"

Yup.

Now why do I know that??? Simon Amstell is Jewish. Why DOESN'T he know that??? I have no idea. Why is the Jewish Chronicle phoning ME for an interview? Why do I have a brain rolodex of every Jewish person working in the UK media three ring circus? Why do I mention Eisenberg's Deli in my one-woman show? Why can I sing the Dreidel song? I even had Gefilte fish balls for my dinner the other night.

Oy vey.

Monday, Monday

2006-08-22T10:05:00.000+01:00

OK, alright, I know it's tuesday. But if there was ever a song about a day in the week that was more appropriate....well....

Yesterday spent the morning reading Philip Roth's "American Pastoral"
Saw Zelda, a one-woman play about the life of Zelda Fitzgerald, written and performed by a very ambitious and charming young American actress who is just off to RADA. It was sweet.
Did my show- to possibly the most challenging audience yet.
I still have a week here in Edinburgh.
God help me.

Chili Cheese, Fish Pie & Russell Brand

2006-08-21T03:17:00.000+01:00

It's 3:15am and i am eating oatcakes and chili-studded sheese. What has my life come to???

The Strawberry Blonde left Edinburgh on Saturday evening with symptoms suspiciously like appendicitis, so awaiting doctor's report- not nice. But while she was here we did manage to take in a few shows- Realism, as mentioned before, and Simon Amstell's stand-up show, which is cheekily charming in a sweet way. I like him- he's got a lovely manner- and I look forward to seeing him develop as a stand up performer in the coming years- I think he will benefit greatly by growing into himself and feeling comfy in his own skin- but he's such a young'un he's got plenty of time to do it!
Champagne on friday eve at Harvey Nicks (oh the glamour!) followed by cocktails at Oloroso again- but atmosphere was awful and a group of women were chucked out for breaking a wine glass. Funny, I thought that's just what girls DO on a friday night out. I think the management there stink. Anyway, the ladies proceeded to nick the security guard's peaked cap and wear it parading up and down Castle Street!
Had brunch on Saturday round our friend Jackie's place- fabulous grand New Town Georgian pad- then to Valvona & Crolla for a spot of shopping. Friends Bryony & Trish came to see my show, then drinks and dinner with Lucy & Sarah (who was doing a reading & discussion of her latest novel, The Night Watch, at the Book Fest) If you've not read it, or any of Sarah's books, then do so immediately-

www.sarahwaters.com

no excuses now!

Been moping around all day today (sunday). Feeling a bit sorry for myself. Don't know why. Just one of those days.

Show was good though. Afterwards had fish pie with Alan & Nick through from Glasgow, then drinking in the Gilded Balloon bar where I had brief encounters with Russell Brand and Ross Noble- now THERE'S a comedy duo, eh?!! Russell has been on at Duckie a few times- before the Kate Moss revelation. Ross been on the radio show a few times, and he and Danny Baker got instant man crushes on each other. Tonight's observations based on 1 min conversation with RB and 20 mins with RN? RB in love with his mobile phone, and RN in love with his motorbike, Scottish Highlands, Australian outback, and DB.

God I'm tired.

the Strawberry Blonde has arrived....

2006-08-18T10:08:00.000+01:00

.....in true style with Florentine leather hold-all and cashmere jumpers akimbo. Had champagne cocktails with Alistair and Jackie on Wed eve then dinner at a scrumptious restaurant- La Garrigue- specialising in Languedoc cuisine, the region where SB and I have our place. So we were feeling very full, quite nostalgic and a bit drunk. Yesterday we walked up to Charlotte Square to check out the Literature Festival- just the atmosphere mind you because every event has been booked out for ages. Then SB went to see "What I heard About Iraq" at the Pleasance and I presented the afternoon show for BBC London - "Live from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival!!!" along with Sue Perkins. What laughs! Presenting again today, with Andre Vincent.
Last night we saw a play that had me laughing asll the way through and sobbing at the end-and tearfully thanking the actors in the bar afterwards! It is called Realism by Anthony Nielson, and is a Scottish National Theatre production at the Lyceum here in Edinburgh. It is quite simply the most touching, honest, clever and deep piece of theatre I have seen in nary a decade. The human condition never looked so fragile, or mad, or exuberant. I just hope it transfers to the National in London so I can see it again and again. SB shouting from the bedroom with a cup of tea in hand just now....."What are you writing??? Does anyone READ that blog thing???" Me: shrug of shoulders. What the heck do I know?

Hushpuppy is my hero

2006-08-16T00:28:00.000+01:00

Escaped to Glasgow and mistakenly got on the slow train to Central Station rather than Queen Street station...missed the liver transplant operation so decided to go shopping with Alan instead. The West End has amazing second-hand antiquey type retro shops! Bought a complete set of Melamine coffee cups, saucers and cake plates with creamer/sugar bowl in multi-colourways- gorgeous!!! also got the Strawbwrry Blonde an amazing 1960's designer carpet bag with tortoiseshell handles, a set of 1970's Firth Ware stainless steel cutlery, and a great set of 6 drinking glasses with 60's abstract motif for Alan and boyf as belated housewarming (2 yrs late but i couldn't bear to think anyone else might have those glasses- they are SOOOO cool)
Had coffee in a hip new place called Left Bank, and spent the entire evening on the sofa with Alan looking through 60's and 70's copies of Playboy and After Dark, a thinly veiled "entertainment" magazine for gay men in the 60's and 70's that had interviews with Liza Minelli & Bette Midler in the front and adverts for pants and poppers in the back. Great graphics and photos (not to mention vintage tits!) Stayed the night- it was SO nice to wake up in a stylish flat (v. unlike the one i'm staying in) Had slap-up veggie breakfast in Rio Diner in the West End and headed back to the Burgh....reluctantly.
Alan, aka DJ Hushpuppy, is a genius friend and, well, just a genius. We met over a decade ago in a bizarre formation of handwriting, furtive friendship and Northern Soul. He is one of my very few favourite people in the whole wide world. Please look here to get a glimpse into his realm...and admire him as much as I do.

http://www.myspace.com/recordplayerz

Did the show tonight- really enjoyed it! big audience too- and Vivienne, my agent, was there. had a drink afterwards with her, then dinner with Steve and Nancy (producer and PR respectively) caught 15 mins of Stephe K Amos and decided home was a better option.
The Strawberry Blonde arrrives tomorrow afternoon, if all goes to plan with EasyJet. Fingers crossed!!!

i'm outta here....

2006-08-14T13:02:00.000+01:00

well for the day at least. i'm going to have a liver transplant in Glasgow. I know, not the most obvious or hygenic place to have a liver transplant but i've located a ginger toddler who is willing to sacrifice itself for my health.
Going to the safe haven of Mr. Alan Miller's Palais of 60's pop culture in Glasvegas (basically his front room) for a chill. x x

this is the fringe....

2006-08-14T05:23:00.000+01:00

yup. it's 5:19 AM and the sun is coming up and i've just got home after cocktails in Oloroso followed by being fleeced for a fiver at the Spiegeltent then drinking in the Gilded Ballloon bar. My producer Steve was impersonating a parakeet and my press/pr Nancy nearly broke my foot by kicking me in the ankle. What drunken larks, Pip!

listless latest

2006-08-12T00:28:00.000+01:00

Friends Alan and Simon through from Glasgow and Simon Strange up from London- busy busy. Went to see Ron Mueck's exhibition here in Edinburgh- easy emotional latch-on art. It's popular- and it makes sense that it is. Humans are infinitely interested in themselves. Saw Scott Capurro do a fine gig- he is SO wicked and cutting and clever with it. Tonight want to Taylor Mac- a sweetly sensitive nouveau drague artiste who plays the ukelele and sings forlorn tales of lost loves and lost luggage. We MUST have him on at Duckie. Haven't had a drop of alcohol today, after over-doing it last night and feeling really rough all day. Had to do a radio interview with Gaydar Radio this afternoon and bought myself a self-pity ice cream cone which really freaked me out and made me feel iller. Show tonight was great- even though i scared a 10-year old so much i made her cry and she had to leave the theatre. Guess tales of kidnapping told to children isn't a good idea, eh?!!!

Solving the Crisis in the Middle East

2006-08-09T10:48:00.000+01:00

I didn't leave the flat all day yesterday until it was time to go to the theatre (basically 4:45pm) Did a phone interview with the Jewish Chronicle. Last week the JC journalist had been arguing with my press officer that I really am Jewish. Ummmm.....I may have a big mouth, an American accent and a penchant for bagels, but I am not Jewish. Not that I would mind if I were- my mom & dad sent me to a Jewish pre-school so I learnt how to sing the dreidel song and made star of david ornaments out of popsicle sticks and glitter. So I could blend right in. Mind you, everybody from the New York metropolitan area is a little bit Jewish. It just happens....it's like, in the air. Anyway, even though I made it clear I am actually quite a Christian, they still wanted to interview me. Wow! Now if that open-minded diplomacy could be applied to what's going on between Israel and Lebanon, we might just have a peace process on our hands.

t'internet

2006-08-08T14:00:00.000+01:00

it's working now in my sub-let flat. a lovely chap with a mullet- style ponytail came round from telewest today and fixed the problem. apparently i hadn't plugged the cable in at the wall. DUH! I've been complaining for a WEEK that the interet access was broken- but did i bother to check it was plugged in? NOOOOOO.Spent hours on the phone to tech support, did all sorts of tests.....succumbed to logging on in f'ing starf*&cks
the SHAME.
Anyway, the show went really well last night- had about 60 in, and a really lovely preview write-up in the Scotsman. Have a look-see here!

http://www.edinburgh-festivals.com/reviews.cfm?id=1140672006

Went to see my first show last night- Sue Perkins- 1 hour of stand up- she was energetic and charming and funny! Best when she's observational, and a great riff on which top-level queers should be put on pink pound notes- you can just imagine Elton John and George Michael having a catfight over the 50 quid! On the way home got accosted by a group of 20-odd teenagers from Preston doing a student production of Godspell. Today has consisted of 2 tuna sandwiches and finishing reading Naomi Alderman's novel "Disobedience", about the orthodox jewish community in Hendon and what happens when you think and act outside the "box". It's got wigs, gefilte fish, lesbian sex, a dead rabbi and intercontinental air travel. What more do you want???
Off to a special evening with Ian Rankin tonight at Harvey Nicks- been invited by my party-loving journo friend who has also promised me an outing to "Fingers Piano Bar". Can't wait!!!

In the BURGH

2006-08-07T11:40:00.000+01:00

Right. I'm here. I have already drunk my weight and volume in white wine, seen some REALLY bad street jugglers and have found it impossible to find any decent food whatsoever. Hooray! It's the Edinburgh Festival! I've been here a week already- A WEEK- the time goes so quickly- I'm staying in a great part of the Old Town, near Grassmarket, in a flat that is all mine for the month of August. I't REALLY beige- I had to hide the most disgusting coffee table book, too. It's full of photos of Celine Dion and babies popping out of flowers and plants. Whoever thought that up MUST have been on acid. Anyway, the show is going well, despite a real technical metldown on the 3rd preview night when the films stuck about a dozen times and then i forgot my line. We had nearly a full house, and afterwards drinking in the park i nearly stabbed myself with a twig (on purpose) just to release the pain in my heart (no I am NOT a self harmer but I really understand where that feeling can come from!) Anyway, last night did a blinding show - if i must say so meself- and I feel refreshed and revived and ready to take on the world! (OK, well a small corner of scotland at least!) i have bouquets upon bouquets of flowers in my flat and feel fabulous....amazing what a few gerberas can do to a gal. Hosted the launch of the entire Fringe last night- introducing acts on stage etc. It's incredible how many people still come up to me and say how much they loved the BBC London Breakfast Show. Oh I am lamenting its passing as well. Though it IS fun staying up past 10pm these days! OK, more to come i promise but t'internet isn't working in the flat and I am writing this from an evil coffee empire outpost and my online time is about to expire and i'll turn into a piece of pumpkin pie if i don't sign off now.,.....oh...........ugh........yum.........x x

Edinburgh looms...

2006-07-21T08:29:00.000+01:00

OK, ok....OKKKKK! I know i am the worst blogger in the world. I haven't posted for months and i won't bore you with the catch-up details. But the most major thing that's been going on is that I'm taking my new one-woman show up to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for the whole month of August. It's called "Amy Lamé's Mama Cass Family Singers" and is the story of how I was a chubby child star in a 60's cover band along with my dysfunctional siblings. My family are in the show, too- on film. It's a kind of all-you-can-eat buffet of pop music, shocking revelation and ham sandwiches. So I'm in rehearsals at the moment, having anxiety attacks in my sleep and generally just hot and bothered. I feel like i'm in limbo- finished on the radio show with Danny this past Tuesday - till September!- and am just getting my Mama Cass show into shape now. I've got the keys to the flat I'm staying in up in Edinburgh, so at least THAT's a reality. The Strawberry Blonde has been amazingly supportive- she's not having any of my moaning and complaining and feeling sorry for myself. Though a tiny bit of sympathy wouldn't go amiss! I'm doing a little preview for the directors of the Soho Theatre later today (they're producing my show!)
Best crack on and learn my lines, then.....

Special Report: Duckie Retreat

2006-01-22T19:07:00.000Z

Just back from a 4 day Duckie retreat in the Pyrenees- a sort of 10th Birthday treat to ourselves. Simon Strange, the Readers Wifes and I were there- Jay and Father Cloth opted out for reasons not yet fully explained, but let's gloss over that.
Was fascinating to watch utterly urban people (me included!) cope with things like open fires, collecting tinder, coping with no shops/bars/restaurants/clubs/taxis. Must say I was v v impressed with Chelsea Kelsey's "hunter/gatherer" instinct. Climbing up rocky cliffs just to get some dry twigs! Great! Kim Phaggs made a fabulous ratatouille and goats cheese lasagne, and Simon managed to enjoy the entire experience while listening to both mine and Chelsea's iPods at the same time- at all times. Check out Chelsea's blog- http://bengobaz.livejournal.com/

A Year Older....

2006-01-05T00:52:00.000Z

so as of yesterday I'm that much closer to kicking the bucket. It was a miserable day here in London- slate grey sky, the misty kind of rain that soaks you through, freezing cold and blustery to boot. First day back at work for everyone, too, and 3 days into New Years resolutions...all in all probably THE WORST day of the whole year to have a birthday. Thank goodness for the strawberry blonde! A bouquet of long stemmed red roses, two books on wine, posh pizza for lunch at Olivetto, a bottle of champagne at home, then a fabulously opulent dinner at Bentley's- Banyuls aperitif, fish soup, smoked haddock, gorgeous cheese, and chocolate and chestnut bombe for dessert.

I'm back.......

2006-01-02T14:03:00.000Z

Yeah, ok, it's been ages. Over 3 months in fact, and what the hell have i been doing? Blograstinating, obviously, but also went on a 2 week cruise of the Greek islands, did a fablulous wine tasting tour of Burgundy (for the strawberry blonde's 30th birthday), hosted a charity fundraising walk in NYC for Stonewall, visited my family in New Jersey, and escaped to the Pyrenees (again).
Workwise, I am so so happy to be back on air with Danny Baker on BBC London 94.9- now in the afternoon, 3-5, been working on my new one woman show which now has a title- "Amy Lamé's Mama Cass Family Singers"- and collaborating with the Soho Theatre here in London to put it on stage. Been asked to go back on Celebrity Fit Club (NO NOT AS A CONTESTANT AGAIN!) but as a panellist dispensing encouragement and advice to the chubbily challenged - watch out on Jan 10th- the first episode for this series. Plus Duckie celebrated its 10th birthday, and we had a fabulous shindig at the De La Warr Pavillion. We'll be having a London-based 10th birthday party in the spring- if you want to see what else we have in store for 2006 check out www.duckie.co.uk. It's gonna be a bumper year!
Must say I am SO pleased that 2006 is here. Last year was full of starts, stops, chops and changes- not necessarily a bad thing, but I found it hard to get a sense of momentum going. It's my birthday tomorrow, so I get all this "Oh another year has passed" nostalgia crap over and done with in one fell swoop. Onwards and upwards, chaps and chapesses!

LATEST INFO ON THE ROYAL VAUXHALL TAVERN

2005-09-21T02:52:00.000+01:00

The Royal Vauxhall Tavern has been put up to auction by Lambeth Council, and today, the 20 September, was sold for 1million 85 thousand pounds. The purchasers so far remain unnamed, but are supported by the current leaseholder. We have been assured that it will stay gay and that we are "safe". I was at the auction this afternoon, and there was a fierce bidding war between the successful bidder and two women who I later found out were bidding on behalf of a foreign buyer. They assured me that if they had bought it, it would NOT have remained a gay pub and they had other plans for the site. Little did I know we came very close to losing the Tavern forever. I don't know much about the people who have bought it, but as and when I get more information, I'll let you know. DUCKIE WILL BE OPEN THIS SATURDAY!!!! See you there..... x x amy lamé

Culture, Curry and Champagne

2005-08-30T21:10:00.000+01:00

Well, I've been a cultural glutton the past week- went to see "You, Me and Everyone We Know" at the Curzon Soho, saw "Tom, Dick and Harry" and "The Producers" in London's fashionable West End, and then went up to Manchester to take part in the Big Gay Read at the Central Library. I was asked to choose my favourite book with queer appeal and talk about why I love it so much, then read a passage to the audience. The room was packed on a wet and blustery Friday afternoon, and I told the gathered about the virtues of Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, Jeanette Winterson's debut and semi-autobiographical novel. Jeanette is a redhead from Accrington, and I feel a particular connection to her and her books because I fell in love with a redhead from Accrington (usually referred to here as The Strawberry Blonde). I hasten to add I DID NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH JEANETTE WINTERSON (though her ex girlfriend, the writer Peggy Reynolds, is HOT STUFF and another redhead to boot)
OK I have just read that back and it makes me sound like a ginger-chaser. Hmmmmm......

My verdict on the film/shows? You, Me...etc. is quirky and touching and very self-conscious, but I would expect that from Miranda July, the writer/director/star. Our paths crossed many years ago when she and I were performing and hanging around the ICA. She is striking and intense and clever. It's nice to see people emerge from the fringes into the mainstream, and with such success. I know that's a really American outlook. Sorry. Oh....actually, I'm not.

Tom, Dick and Harry is a classic British farce- if you like Fawlty Towers, this will make you laugh....really hard. The Strawberry Blonde was doubled over in hysterics. I chuckled and cringed. I saw the Producers for the second time- and though the cast the first time around was much better- Brad (?) and Lee Evans in the top roles- I actually enjoyed it more the second time around. Leigh Zimmerman is gorgeous, James Dreyfus is SOOOOOOO GAYYYYY (does he ever get tired of flapping, I wonder?)

Last night I had the most wonderful evening with my friend, the incredibly gifted artist Martin Firrell (www.martinfirrell.com) He treated me to champagne and crisps in his uber-pad in Soho, and then on to the Red Fort, possibly the poshest Indian I have ever had. We spoke of Mama Cass, choral evensong, public art in Trafalgar Square, radical architecture in Bangladesh, and the Baroness Gerda Von Posch. A bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and dessert wine was followed by a champagne nightcap at the Soho Hotel. Perfect.

Going to the gym this afternoon to counterbalance my curry and champagne consumption. There's a "Fit at Fifty" class - I am WELL UNDER 50 YEARS OLD- but the guy who runs the class is kind of like a British Richard Simmons. For non-Americans reading this, you may ask "Who is Richard Simmons?" You MUST look here:http://www.richardsimmons.com/ I guarantee you will NOT be disappointed by looking at this link and it may change your life forever!

Round-Up of the Week

2005-08-21T02:45:00.000+01:00

Had the proverbial mother-in-law here most of the week, which was a pleasure in many respects, not least because she is a whizz at the summer sales and came home after an afternoon shopping with loads of goodies for me & her daughter the Strawberry Blonde. Had dinner at the Mango Tree (posh Thai) and cocktails and dim sum the followning night at Shanghai Blues (posh Chinese). Must say the first was a special deal I found on the best website- www.toptable.co.uk, which has discount offers for eating out at some of London's top restaurants. I am dedicated to leading a lifestyle which my bank manager does not approve of, and toptable is a great way of achieving it! The visit to Shanghai Blues was courtesy of my friend Kirk, who runs a PR company for restaurants, bars and foodie events. Very thankfully I am on his permanent guest list, which means a hell of a lot of schmoozing and too many cocktails with funny umbrellas hanging out of them. Oh, the life!
Now I am not in "full-time" employment (ie not doing the BBC London breakfast show anymore) I find it all too easy to fill my days with dreaming, sunbathing in St. James's Park, looking after my girlfriend, having lunch with friends, strolling around Pimlico.....I did manage to do some work this week- another voiceover for Continental Airlines.
Next week is looking pretty busy, though- filming all day on Monday for London TV, theatre twice, dinner with friends, a hair appointment, and trip to Manchester for Big Gay Read...and fingers crossed, a side trip to see Burnley play Derby County at Turf Moor on Saturday.

Recovering from the weekend....still.....

2005-08-16T00:30:00.000+01:00

OK, it's Monday afternoon and I still feel a bit woozy from a decadent Friday night. Went to Brighton with the Strawberry Blonde and fully intended to come home on the last train back to London. Well, 4 cocktails and a bottle of white wine (that was just ME) at 10pm I endeavoured to find a b&b. Found a room above a dodgy gay bar, got the keys, and went back to drinking, dancing and snogging. Stumbled into the room at 3am after eating fish & chips on the seafront and buying a toothbrush at an all night shop. Imagine my paralytic surprise when there was someone in the bed! Like, not a "bonus", if you know what I mean, but an actual imposter! A few phone calls later and the flapping queen in charge turned up to put us in another room, but we were really freaked. Turned out the owner had let a friend stay and she just slept in the only room she found unlocked. Ours. Needless to say, the next morning we got a refund, then bunged on the train back with our invalid day return tickets. Turned out to be a pretty cheap excursion, but I have been paying for it in brain cells.

2005-08-09T19:40:00.000+01:00

Spent all day yesterday filming for London TV, the channel for VisitLondon, aka London Tourist Board. I co-present a programme called Ask Us, where we get imaginary people to call up/email/write in with their burning questions about going out in London. Badminton for beginners in Bermondsey? Toddlers tiddly winks in Tottenham? Weekend watercolour challenge for the workshy in Walthamstow? I know ALL the answers......

Went round to our neighbours' house for dinner last night-after the main course the male half of the couple wandered into the dining room mixing a small bowl of cocoa and 20 mins later re appeared with the largest chocolate soufflé I have ever seen! His wife insists he has a female brain, as proven by a test he took at the Science Museum.

Just got a call from my agent confirming a last minute booking for later today- doing two panel shows from the 1950's that are being revived for TV of today- What's My Line? and The Name's The Same. Fellow panellists are Brian Sewell, Amanda Platell, and Dave Gorman. A bit nervous- called Danny Baker for a pep talk, but he's not in.

Back from La Belle France

2005-08-07T02:20:00.000+01:00

OK, I know you missed me (ahhhhh!) Three weeks in the remote Pyrenees and I am super-chilled. I actually got culture shock when I came back to London....got off the coach from Stanstead at Victoria Station and a zillion people speaking English were swarming everywhere. I had been chatting to the same 5 people and 3 dogs- in French- for so long I forgot metropolitan life was so intense.

Anyway, was promptly invited to play rounders in Kennington Park, which is a sort of gay version of baseball. It's the first time I played rounders- yes, there are still some secrets to British culture that have remained beyond my grasp- until now. Still can't work out how the scoring works, and I have no idea who won. Not that it matters- "It's all about taking part" as they say. But I was still praying I wasn't the last one picked!

Went to see Black Narcissus at the NFT on Friday. If you haven't seen it, do so ASAP! It's got everything- repressed religious types, slutty natives, donkeys, wobbly special effects and one really mad glamour-bitch nun from hell. Do you ever go to the cinema and find you are the only one laughing at a particular line? There were a few of those in Black Narcissus, including this from the pupil Prince, who unfurls a silk scarf sprayed with Black Narcissus, a fragrance specially brought back to his native India from the Army & Navy department store in London- much to the dismay of the nun teaching him.....

"Sister, don't you think it so very common for us to smell of ourselves?"

2005-07-11T21:06:00.000+01:00

Did some filming today for "Sitcoms that Changed the World"- an ITV show coming to the small screen soon. Did I Love Lucy change the world? What about Queer as Folk? Roseanne? Ellen? The Good Life? Turn off your television and do something revolutionary instead.
Also did a voiceover today- inflight entertainment for Phillipines Airline. I also do Continental, but only business and first class, cause I have that kinda voice. Spent the rest of the day packing- I am off on a solo retreat to the Pyrenees to write and think and commune with bears and wolves and wild boar. So forgive me if my blog posts are a bit sporadic for the nest few weeks- I don't even have a telephone or TV, let alone t'internet there.
MMMMMmmmmm....made gazpacho for my dinner. Perfect summer food. First time I ever had it- aged 8- I couldn't believe there was such a thing as COLD SOUP. Doesn't make sense when you think about it. COLD. SOUP. (*shrug*)

2005-07-10T23:08:00.000+01:00

OK, just back from Duckie - Murray Hill, the hardest working middle aged man in show business was on - funny! Heard so much about Murray in the past- a real Brooklyn drag king legend- so really pleased wse could put him on stage. Was late getting to Duckie because our neighbour decided to try & start a race riot by goading some asian cab drivers. luckily the minicab guys had a mobile phone with a video and sound recorder so they got it all and showed it to the police when they arrived. Thought they might arrest the neighbour for incitement to racial hatred- she was really having a go at the poor blokes because of the bombings here in London- but they didn't respond in an agressive way, even when she spat at them. How shameful. All this in a quiet corner of central London. As if the police don't have enough to do without calming racist middle aged women.